Keeping Your Resolutions

Training Your Willpower

“Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.” ~ Mother Teresa

Have you ever been challenged with keeping a goal?  Maybe something you want to achieve, or something you want to stop?  With a brand new year, it’s hard not to want to set some new goals – or maybe old goals that haven’t been met.  And as the years push on, you might start to feel a little like Sisyphus - in Greek mythology, the king who was forced to push a boulder up a hill each day, only to watch it roll back down.  Setting goals may not be the problem – often the problem lies in keeping them.

I’m just back from several days in Antigua, and one of my goals was to finish at least one of the 15 or so books that I’m currently reading.  I’m a sucker for books, which are to me like big shiny baubles to a baby, and I’ve developed a habit of buying more than I can reasonably finish.  And so I took with me just one, “The Willpower Instinct” by Kelly McGonigal.  She’s a health psychologist and yoga therapist at Stanford University who studies, among other things, the effects of meditation.   And I’m thrilled to report that I did finish it, with a little help from some of the ideas between its covers, which I’m going to share with you here.

Train your willpower physiology

• Feeling sleep deprived?  If you’re getting less than 6 hours of sleep, you might be sabotaging your willpower.  Your prefrontal cortex needs more sleep to remember long-term goals and values.

• Finding it hard to meditate or you don’t see the point?  Try just a few minutes a day – the practice boosts your ability to sleep as well as your willpower.  Meditation increases the size of your prefrontal cortex.  Even 10 minutes a day for a few months makes a huge difference.

• Lacking some exercise?  Take a walk around the block.  Exercise has the same effect as meditation.

• Are you eating too much or too many sugary foods?   - Big spikes and drops in blood sugar levels mean that your brain can’t use energy efficiently.  Your brain needs to be an energy-efficient machine.  And if you’re eating a lot of meat, be aware that a plant-based diet is better for brain function.

• And now for the kicker - not doing these things makes it harder to begin.  All of these things take willpower.  And doing them, even a little, gives back way more in terms of willpower.  For example, exercising makes it easier to eat properly, not to procrastinate, not to spend so much.  So you gotta start.

Forgive yourself

• Practice compassion.  So you’ve started on your goal, and are feeling pretty good.  Then, one day you drop the ball.  The harder you are on yourself when you have a willpower failure, the more likely you are to have the same failure again, and the bigger it’s going to be.

                Three steps of a self-compassion practice
                   a. Be mindful of what you are thinking and feeling.
               b. Feel or imagine your common humanity with others.
                   c. Offer yourself encouragement instead of criticism.

Make friends with your future self       

• Protect your future self.  If you can’t relate to your future self, you’re less likely to want to take steps now to make your future self happier.
• Make small goals - they work better.

Predict your failure

• Imagine everything that can go wrong
  
• Imagine how you are going to deal with it.

Surf the urge

• Distress tolerance is the biggest predictor of achieving goals.  How long can you wait before you give in to the urge?
• Pay attention to physical discomfort of wanting something.
• Wait with patience.
• Breathe and wait.  Work up to waiting for 10 minutes.
• The urge will pass.

Practise Observing, Breathing and Recommitting

• Mindfulness – feel what you are feeling and think what you are thinking.  Notice what it feels like in body.
• Breathe it out.  Use your breath as source of stability.
• Broaden out and look for first opportunity to recommit to your goal.

Serious about achieving your goals?  Meditation is a great way to start.